I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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