weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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