I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
