I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
