he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
