Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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