i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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