Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
