well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
