i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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