Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Drunk is not a location!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
