Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
