kristin has been a bad kristin
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
