If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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