Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
