ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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