I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
