I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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