If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
