i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize