He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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