if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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