I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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