Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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