Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
