I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
