you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
