I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
