It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
