He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
