i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
