What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
