How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
