Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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