Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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