It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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