my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
