I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize