Will you blow on my dice?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize