Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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