he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
