I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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