her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
