haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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