guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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