just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
In other news, I just burned my penis
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
