Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
