I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
