naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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