Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
