when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize