i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
