Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
