i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
