YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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