Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
