once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
