The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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