I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
