Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
