How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Someone shit on the floor
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
