at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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