ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
