She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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