And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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