why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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