alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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