i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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