I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
