the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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