I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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